


illicit affairs

by soufflepuff



Series: illicit affairs [3]
Category: MY FIRST STORY (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Taylor Swift, M/M, Pining, angst maybe?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:09:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28292886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soufflepuff/pseuds/soufflepuff
Summary: Shohei would live and die for moments that they stole, on the begged and borrowed time he managed to scrape off his life.
Relationships: Nishizawa Teruki/Sasaki "Kid'z" Shohei
Series: illicit affairs [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990861
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	illicit affairs

**Author's Note:**

> this serves as the prequel of the previous two fics i've written on this series. i didn't proofread this whatsoever, i'm so sorry if there are mess ups. please enjoy tho!

The sun-drenched month of August, slipped away into a moment of time. Sipped away like a bottle of wine, slow and enjoyable as summer should be. Sighing softly as he felt the soft breeze around the nice and calm summer air, Shohei relents to the rush of memories he’s made over the summer, each one playing itself back without him having to put much effort, if at all. He could feel it all, the bedsheets that he and Teru were twisted in. He could still see it all in his mind, all of him, and all of Teru, intertwined.

What started as a one-night rendezvous resulted in plenty more clandestine meetings. Flashes of bedsheets and Teru hovering over him, his hands on Teru’s hair, those brown orbs that would forever haunt him, his moans in his ear, but most of all their bodies entangled so intricately that he wasn’t sure where he began and Teru ended. The way Teru’s lips felt on him, against him. Teru’s room and nights where he made him his own, over and over again. The brief, intoxicating sense of feeling cared for and loved.

Even when the latter might have been made up.

He understood the nature of illicit affairs. They had made it clear even before the first kiss – just sex, no complications. There was no love there. No care for each other’s emotions. It was just physical, skin and bone training to get along. It all just stripped down to fulfilling a human need.

Yet every time Teru was touching him, he went on a trip of his life. He got so high off the interaction, the sneaking around, the flirting, the stares, the rush and the thrill. It was the kind of high that made him feel calm, like he floated when he walked. Like he was sitting on a cloud instead of having to use his limbs. And, it was the kind of high that made every glance and touch that much more electric. But it was dwindling, each time felt less intense and less special. It kept on dying, and dying, and dying, a million little times.

It was like a sudden shot of drugs that only worked the first few hundred times and damages you for a lifetime. And Shohei has fallen into a masochistic cycle of addiction. He wanted to have that feeling forever, wanted to use the drug that was Teru for the rest of his life.

Shohei loved to watch Teru’s hands, secretly in awe by just how pretty they looked. Whether they were playing the guitar, cupping Shohei’s jaw, or brushing against his as they walked past, he always found himself just the slightest bit entranced with his hands. And although the feeling of Teru’s skin on Shohei’s would send continuous little jolts through and under his skin, he didn’t want him to stop. It definitely wasn’t helping when Teru would rub small little circles over Shohei’s arm, moving along any line and curve in skin and muscle that was exposed to him. Shohei would sometimes let him play with his hand, his eyes peaking open as Shohei grabbed Teru’s fingers in his hand, lightly tracing lines up his palm. Shohei always noticed Teru’s hands, always working quickly when playing the guitar, holding him warmly, and toying with his mindlessly as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

He wondered what made him so weak in the presence of Teru and long for his touch. Even in a crowded room, they would exchange longing stares. That even sometimes, those stolen stares would lead to secret moments in the bathroom or a storage room somewhere. And when Teru ran a hand through his long hair he almost passed out with the urge to feel those biceps around him. Shohei’s eye would sometimes wander to Teru’s lips, mouth slightly parted before biting his lips together with a small smile twitching on the corner of his lips. He wouldn’t think about, or even care for that matter, that he was so shamelessly staring at Teru’s mouth in that moment. He would snap out of his daze only after Teru hum with a nod of invitation, head tilting to the direction of somewhere a little more private. Teru’s taught him a secret language with the stares and the gestures, a language he can’t speak with anyone else.

Teru would grab him by his neck, the warmth of his hands searing into Shohei’s bare skin, and pull him to his lips. Kissing Teru was always so deliciously debilitating. He was sweet, like a raspberry, not too sugary and just sour enough to make Shohei want more. They would never go far though, not where there are people passing by outside. They’d pull back after a moment that had seemed infinitesimal and eternal all at once, as they gaze into each other’s eyes, chests rising and falling with labored breaths. Teru’s eyes would be hooded by lust, desire running at an all-time high, and Shohei would pretend that Teru was his. The fact that he couldn’t take him right then and there – or escape the suffocating whatever function that they were stuck in – was a very specific, excruciating kind of torture. Shohei could count Teru’s eyelashes from this proximity, the dark hairs of his eyebrows, every contour of his ethereal visage. They were eye to eye, yet out of focus at the same time. They were passionate, but Shohei somehow could never make complete sense of it.

He remembered the nights when Teru always made sure that nobody sees Shohei leave. And quite frankly, Shohei grew tired of Teru fixing the hood over his head, and him constantly asking Shohei to keep his eyes down, at least until he was out of Teru’s apartment complex. Until one day he met Sho even when he’s already taken the precautions of taking the road less traveled by. He could’ve just told him that they were just hanging out, as friends do, but he panicked and told him that he was out for a run – something Shohei normally wouldn’t do – and thankfully Sho bought it, especially because Shohei’s face was flushed.

The emotion felt by him indulging in the affair is real, but obtaining this emotion inevitably led to him lying to everyone around them about it, leading him to even lie to himself. He had been trying to suppress the emotion that he knew was a long time coming: that he was in love with Teru.

Despite how wrong it feels, Shohei would live and die for moments that they stole, on the begged and borrowed time he managed to scrape off his life.

And in their secret encounters when the city’s already asleep, he was hoping, dreaming, and dying to keep the love that he wasn’t supposed to feel.

Shohei remembered when he thought that those nights were enough. That merely wanting was enough. And to live for the hope of it all was enough. Because it would be quite foolish, thinking that there was ever a “they”. He tried to embrace the harsh reality that he couldn’t lose Teru.

Because how would he lose Teru, when he wasn’t his to begin with?

How could he continue on sleeping with Teru knowing he would never be truly his? Why exactly had he agreed to this? Shohei had known that Teru would consume him. He had known that there was no going back. He had known that he was going to fall for him.

And the sad thing is, he would do anything for Teru. As long as he said it with his hands, he would succumb to it quite immediately. He was always so desperate for his touch, and he would do anything just to feel it. He would cross the line, waste his time. He would lose his mind and ruin himself. Not like he hadn’t, anyway, not for a million little times.

He knew it would be a smart decision to walk away from… Whatever the fuck they were doing, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, because he was so drawn to Teru. It was too late to stop falling for Teru, because he was quicksand, drowning Shohei deeper and deeper into him.

He wanted to scream every time Teru called him pet names, ones that were used to make him giddy and feel special. Because he knew it didn’t mean anything to him, that calling him “baby” was just a lie to get him into bed with him. But it meant something to him. And he hated how easily coerced he was, how he had himself in Teru’s grasp, like an idiotic fool that he was. He knew Teru was a godforsaken mess himself, yet he was the mess that Shohei wanted.

Shohei hated how he could smell Teru on him even when he’s been gone for hours. Shohei hated the looming presence of Teru, because it just reminded him of what wasn’t his.

So, he bought a perfume over to Teru’s place and left it on his shelf. That way Teru wouldn’t leave a trace on him when they got together.

One night, Shohei had fallen asleep on Teru’s bed. He cursed himself as he woke, because this wasn’t the arrangement, he was supposed to leave immediately after. He watched as Teru breathes softly with his eyes close. He wondered if he dreamed about him, as he did in his sleep.

As he was about to get himself up from Teru’s bed to leave, he caught a glimpse of Teru’s flattering eyelids. Shohei paused and almost expected Teru to kick him out, but Teru, in his gloriously raspy voice, smiled and mumbled, “you’re my best friend” and fell back asleep right after, leaving Shohei with a deafening silence.

Because Shohei didn’t want him like a best friend.

And he won’t give up so easily. He’s willing to fight to keep alive the love Teru has ignited in him, despite how impossible his situation was. Teru’s touch brought forth an incandescent glow, a light tarnished but at the same so grand. He was a fire and he’s kept Shohei’s brittle heart warm with a fragile little flame that could burn out. But Shohei’s the wind that transformed it into a goddamn blaze in the dark, creating a love that was so intense, that was almost impossible for him to handle on his own.

Shohei made a decision in that exact moment.

“I don’t want you like a best friend.” Shohei’s voice broke Teru out of his sleep. He was barely peaking up at Shohei, and Shohei felt like he was living in a movie, scenes unfolding in front of his eyes in slow motion.

Teru propped himself up on his elbow a bit, able to fully glance down at Shohei. Shohei blinked quickly at his own words, rolling over to his back deep in thought. He couldn’t believe he just said that.

“For whatever it’s worth, I love you. Ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?” Shohei laughed, feeling the heat rush up to his face as he covered his eyes with his hands. Not wanting to look at Teru, imagining the disgust on his face as soon as he said those words.

Softly removing Shohei’s hands from his face, Teru demanded Shohei to face him. He looked at him in a way that made Shohei’s breath catch and his pulse kick up. The way his heart nearly seemed to burst threatened to consume him, if not from what he said earlier, and he had to look away. He had to look away because he didn’t know what he would do if he looked at him for a moment longer.

Reeling, confused, scared, and most of all anxious, he tried to figure out what was happening. And it was all too much – even when he’s done this a million times before – when Teru inched his face closer to Shohei’s.

“Are you sure?” Teru whispered. “I need to know if you actually want this.”

Face still burning, Shohei let out a stutter. “I wouldn’t have started this if I wasn’t into you in the first place.”

Like a magnet, their lips found each other again. Shohei felt a slight relief, knowing that Teru was trapped in him just as much as Shohei was in him. The deep fire was building in him again, even stronger this time. Fingertips digging crescent-shaped marks into Teru’s skin as Teru’s lips quickly found Shohei’s skin, sucking and biting into his neck as Teru watched him come undone. Tangled with Teru on his bed, feeling his heartbeat against his skin, his breath on his neck, they finally spent the night… As more than best friends.

* * *

Light filtered into the tiny apartment window through the thin gap in the mostly closed curtains and illuminated Teru’s sleeping face as the man lying beside him stared at him in amazement. Teru appeared like a dream to him, the way he looked so relaxed and content sleeping next to him as the warm light of the morning shone on his delicate face had him smiling to himself like an idiot.

The first thing that Shohei felt when he woke up was the grogginess that he never had after a restful night's sleep. Because after countless nights he’s spent with Teru, he could finally say that he was his.

**Author's Note:**

> aaand happy birthday jesus! and to my dearest friend k-ann, i hope you like this fic 😊


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